{"id":390,"date":"2017-05-08T05:22:47","date_gmt":"2017-05-08T05:22:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/?p=390"},"modified":"2019-08-18T05:29:17","modified_gmt":"2019-08-18T05:29:17","slug":"self-sabotage-salary-negotiation-social-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/2017\/05\/08\/self-sabotage-salary-negotiation-social-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Sabotage, Salary Negotiation, & Social Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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I am on a rooftop in Hell’s Kitchen surrounded by 7-figure influencers and entrepreneurs. Manhattan glitters and the constant honking is so far away. And I am deeply uncomfortable.<\/p>

I sip my pinot noir with the desperation of introvert seeking ‘social lubrication.’ This is the rooftop that I have been gunning at for months. What is my problem?<\/p>

FYI: everyone, from a socially conscious real estate developer to life coach superstar Alionka Polanco, is super nice. There are no Regina Georges. 100% friendly vibes.<\/p>

I am just straight up socially anxious in such an ironic way for a career driven gal like myself.<\/p>

Why?<\/p>

Everything felt like money.<\/p>

It felt too fancy for the likes of me as if I was some Victorian era scullery maid.<\/p>

Shine your shoes, governor?<\/em><\/p>

I should be an online biz Becky Sharp, but instead, I felt myself withdrawing.<\/p>

Less than a week before, I had left a nonprofit career services position. I had my tech boot camp side hustle, but 40+ hours a week, I was helping extremely high needs & chronically unstably housed populations. So literally, I went a week between mingling with homeless people in Tucson before mingling on an NYC rooftop party with Neil Patel.<\/p>

Major culture shock.<\/p>

It was more than that.<\/p>

It was triggering a lot of my money\/wealth\/abundance ~feels~ as the kids say.<\/em><\/p>

I grew up more Roseanne than Shameless, but money has always felt out of reach. And I have always felt guilty about having money. I suffered through social work burnout way longer than I needed too because I felt guilty about making money.<\/p>

Yet I am actively seeking to generate it.<\/p>

Catch-22 mindset. Realization download provoked.<\/p>

And great, I just gotta have this moment of realization just when I should be drinking wine, having fun, and networking my face off.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Last week, I renegotiated my pay with my remote job. Catch this, I had to psyche myself up to ask for my new pay. And, I will be real with you, it’s a 100% good bargain for me, but it not extraordinary.<\/p>

So part of me asks, how much money did I leave on the table? Could I have gotten more if I had been confident in myself to ask for more? How long will I resist asking for what I am worth?<\/p>

If I can’t get my shit about money sorted then, frankly, I am always going to be at a disadvantage when doing salary negotiations or generating income of any kind.<\/em><\/p>

And I am a damned good career strategist.<\/em><\/p>

In that moment as I shiver on the rooftop as the wind whips through my hair, I already know this. I stare into my phone in the hope of seeming occupied instead of intimidated.<\/p>

I am trying to mentally go through my own version of Law of Attraction for people with social anxiety who have been through shit.<\/p>

I know that is a once in a lifetime kind of an event so I keep psyching myself up before I find a friendly face to chat up. The wind dies down even as the city keeps roaring below us.<\/p>

The moment passes yet the realization remained.<\/p>

Quite bluntly, how I am going to move up in my career if I am uncomfortable with money?<\/em><\/p>

That is the question that I think a lot of professionals have to ask themselves.<\/p>

What baggage and beliefs are you carrying around money? Are you taking them to the negotiation table? Do you know your worth?<\/p>

Be honest with yourself.<\/p>

How much money are you leaving on the table?<\/em><\/p>

As always, life is short and the world is big!<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am on a rooftop in Hell’s Kitchen surrounded by 7-figure influencers and entrepreneurs. Manhattan glitters and the constant honking is so far away. And I am deeply uncomfortable. I sip my pinot noir with the desperation of introvert seeking ‘social lubrication.’ This is the rooftop that I have been gunning at for months. What […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":391,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-390","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-linkedin-articles"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Sami-in-Marvel-Dress-Against-Hi-Rise-WIndow.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=390"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":393,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390\/revisions\/393"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=390"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=390"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/samigardner.net\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=390"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}